yesterday's tennessee

BLACK AND GOLD - 1926

JOKES

The jokes are interspersed throughout the ads in the Black and Gold 1926. They have been separated for these web pages.

Jokes

Houston: "Does it cost much to go to college?"
College Student: "O, the actual expenses for clothing, liquor, flowers, candy, and foot-ball tickets aren't so bad! It's the incidentals, like tuition and books, that count."

Leroy: "Are you through with the finger bowl yet?"
Graper: "Through? I haven't even started. I'm waiting for some soap."

Her teeth chattered, but she couldn't hear what they said.

Wise: "Do you think it will stop raining?"
Crack: "It always has."

J. B. Scott will yodel: "If the person who took my physics notebook will return it, no questions will go unanswered."

Ben: "Dearest, I can't leave you. I feel a burning sensation in my heart."
Cora: "Has some one been giving you those cheap cigars again?"

Madge: "Papa, where do they make these ukes?"
Mr. Roberts: "Know your geography, my girl. In Yukon, of course."

"I'll never do it again," said the suicide, as he passed the thirty-second story on his way down.

Fred Crook: "We will now sing, ‘I Call My Car "The College Boy" Because It's Always Broke.'"

"That singer has an awful voice.
"Yes, he forgets his notes."

Mr. Conger: "Why do you stand back so much farther than the rest when you are playing football, Pete?"
Pete: "I was the safety man."
Mr. Conger: "That's right, my boy. Play safe. I thought you were too much like me to go up there where the dirty work was."

Mr. Dumas: "Where's the funny paper?"
Miss Kirby: "To-day isn't Sunday. I told you not to take that bath last night."

‘Tis but a step nowadays from a courting scene to a scene in court.

An artist was employed to renovate and retouch some oil paintings in an old church, and when he sent in his bill of $31.99, he was informed that an itemized bill was required. Whereupon the following was presented:

For correcting the Ten Commandments, $ 5.12
For renewing heaven and adjusting the stars, 7.12
For touching up Purgatory and restoring the lost souls, 3.06
For brightening up the flames of h—, putting a new tail on the devil, 7.17
For putting a new stone in David's sling and adjusting Goliath's head, 6.13
For mending shirt of prodigal son, 3.39
Total $31.99

Virginia Anne: "If you were me, would you accept him?"
Nita: "If I were you, dear, I'd accept any one."

Scates: "What's the matter, Joe V.? You look sick."
Joe V.: "Got a terrible headache, Scates."
Scates: "I had a bad one myself last night, but when my girl kissed me, the pain passed right away. Why don't you try it?"
Joe V.:" ‘Believe I will, old top. What did you say her name was?"

Frances: "A penny for your thoughts."
Madge: "Who said I was a slot machine?"

MLE, what XTC
I always feel when UIC!
I used to rave of LN's eyes,
4 LC I gave countless sighs,
4 KT 2 and LNR
I was a keen competitor;
But each vows a non-NTT—
4 UXL them all, UC.

The Waiter song: Show me the way to go home.
The Shoemaker song: Awl alone.
The Elsie song: Elsie you in my dreams.
The Cheese song: Cheese the kind of a girl that men forget.
The Police song: Police play for me that sweet melody.
The Phew song: Phew knew Susie, like I know Susie.
The Imfa song: Imfa ever blowing bubbles.
The Garter song: You garter see mamma every night.

"Don't try to get fresh," said the cheese to the sour milk.

Mr. Dumas will now warble the ballad, "Uneasy Lies the Head That Wifey Crowns."

HOUSEHOLD QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY MISS KIRBY
No. 1: "How can flies be kept out of the kitchen?"
Miss Kirby: "Do your cooking in the parlor."
No. 2: "What's good for cleaning out a garbage pail?"
Miss Kirby: "A couple of hungry cats."
No. 3: "My maid gets up at ten o'clock every day. What can I do to make her get up early?"
Miss Kirby: "Introduce her to the milkman."
No. 4: "While I was hanging the pictures the baby swallowed the tacks. What do you advise me to do?"
Miss Kirby: "Hang up the pictures with screws."

"Some girls are like steam rollers — they leave you flat."

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